Leading vs. Judging - Part 2 by Mark Stone

February 2024. Leading implies authority. If we drain judging out of leading, then where does authority come from? Authority comes from earned respect and demonstrated empathy. We can see this by looking at a profession that offers very little institutional authority and relies heavily on earned authority: I'm talking about educators, people like my wife, Karen Stone.

Teaching is hard. Teaching kindergarten is especially hard. Teaching post-COVID kindergartners who have had little pre-school socialization is hero's work. These are children who are grappling for the first time with how to interact in a group setting. What are the boundaries and expectations? What are the norms? What are the rules? It starts with empathy.

Karen has a great capacity to meet kids where they are, to take their perspective, and to work with them based on that shared understanding. Kids will say to her unprompted, "I love you Mrs. Stone" with the kind of unfiltered innocence that five year olds still retain. Sometimes she will handle a child's struggles in the moment with a simple "Do you need a hug?" Her reputation as a loving soul is well known among students and teachers.

Yet children at this age also want boundaries. They are seeking structure, and need feedback. As a para educator, Karen plays the vital role of supporting classroom teachers with students who need extra help, and pulling students who need the most help into small groups for more individualized instruction. She sees authority play out differently in a wide range of classrooms, and recognizes classroom management as one of a teacher's most essential skills. So Karen has a reputation as loving, and also a reputation for being firm.

Punishment always implies judgment, and so punishment is not the approach. There are rewards, and a reward may be withheld, but that is not the same as punishment. There are rules, and reasonable adherence to rules is a requirement for participation in a group, but exclusion from a group for inability to follow rules is a) rare, and b) not treated as a punishment. Group rules are developed and communicated collaboratively: "We should", never "You must".

And while students are measured and assessed, those assessments are not a basis for discussion with students about their performance. Performance discussions are focused on values, and how those values manifest in behavior.

This is servant leadership; this is creating authority by earned reputation.

What if we applied these lessons to technology organizations in the corporate world:

  • Develop shared values collaboratively
  • Establish rules that enable behavior to manifest those values
  • Provide constructive feedback grounded in values
  • Measure to understand progress, not to judge performance
  • Inspire with rewards; never threaten with punishment

Perhaps we all need to remember what life was like when we were five.

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